All posts by NaturalMommaSpeaks

Freed from the cage of unforgiveness😀!

One of the key things that gives me peace and sanity to get through my day is reading. A few months ago I kept “bumping” into John 15:11-17, in several devotions within a week. In this bible passage it basically talks about God’s love for us and because He chose us, and loved on us regardless of our sinful ways that it is reason enough for us to love on others. Early on during that very week I also attempted to reconcile a friendship that has been “estranged” (we went from being sisters to strangers) for a little more than a year. My heart grieved the loss of what we had and I believe she would say the same. I could only take that first step because I was ready to be humble, acknowledge my stuff and forgive her. Things between us are not peaches and cream, but I know and believe God will turn things around for our good, no matter what direction our friendship goes from here on out! 

Is there someone you need to reconcile with? Have you been at a point of your life where you forgot that God calls you friend? If He can forgive and love on us, we can do the same to others! You can only do this by remembering that forgiveness is not about letting the other person get away with what they did/said, it is about letting yourself be free from the cage of bitterness, frustration, hurt, and anger towards them. The cage of unforgiveness started to get uncomfortable and I decided to be have faith, open the door and be set free in Jesus Christ. You no longer have to be a victim, you are not stuck, the cage has never had a lock on it, all you have to do is open up the door! 

JOHN 15:11-17

11 I have told you this so that you will be as joyful as I am, and your joy will be complete. 12 Love each other as I have loved you. This is what I’m commanding you to do. 13 The greatest love you can show is to give your life for your friends. 14 You are my friends if you obey my commandments. 15 I don’t call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. But I’ve called you friends because I’ve made known to you everything that I’ve heard from my Father. 16 You didn’t choose me, but I chose you. I have appointed you to go, to produce fruit that will last, and to ask the Father in my name to give you whatever you ask for. 17 Love each other. This is what I’m commanding you to do.

This wasn’t in my Mommy-to-be book😒!! [Real Deal on Potty Training]

Potty Training has been beyond Hell on Earth in our house to put it lightly😞. Okay, there are glimmers of hope, but the journey is not for the faint of heart. My two kiddies are 17 months apart so I thought it only made sense to potty train them both simultaneously. My son had very little interest in the process, but my daughter, who (and was 17 months at the time we begun) idolizes her brother and wants to do everything he does, took great interest in the process. At the time she had limited vocabulary, but would say “Potty Momma, potty” then she’d run to the bathroom and would go ahead and pee. I was to say the least, IMPRESSED!

I had heard success stories of moms who trained their kiddies before their 2nd birthday. If she became potty trained within a day, 2 weeks or a month like their kids, I would be able to share the pride and brag with all those Mommas who told me about their babies being potty trained at 12mths.old or 15mths.old. And all I could say after hearing their stories was “wow”and look at my son with sadness (and to be honest disappointment) who at the time was 2 months shy of TURNING 3 years old and didn’t want to have anything to do with a potty chair, a potty seat, etc. (even though his favorite place at home was the bathroom and playing with the sink water) but he just wouldn’t do it. I think if his vocabulary was developed at the time he would have said, Heck no, I WON’T GO😒. He just, wasn’t ready. But, why couldn’t he get it?

Some people I confided in summed it up to, “well you know boys are slower than girls and are known to be lazy with potty training” but I knew it wasn’t just about him being a boy. I suspected that my son had special needs,  I didn’t want to put him in a box/bracket because he was so young, but a Momma always knows when something just isn’t right.

Then the disappointment started to shift from him to me. There had to be something I was doing wrong, AGAIN! I often take it very personally when my children do not achieve certain milestones at a certain point. I feel like it is a reflection on me and welp, I must not be such a good mother after all😢.

You don’t get the memo about the ups and downs of this process in your mommy-to-be book nor your birthing/Lamaze class. The struggle is so real, but you don’t get it till you experience it firsthand.

No one talks in detail about the accidents that happen bare bottom while standing right in front of the potty, smh, WHO DOES THAT?!?!??!! I’ll tell you who does that, TODDLERS who are self-absorbed and who believe in being self-directed. No one reminds you about the countless loads of laundry that will have to be done because they may have 3 accidents that day or everyday. And how about how to handle the aftermath of an accident in their car seat after you have cleaned it? Do you just put them back to sit in their clean clothes, in the clean YET WET/DAMP car seat for a 10 minute drive to your home from Target😞?!?!?!!?? These are just a few examples of the ordeal that I have been experiencing and imagine that all doubled, cause I decided it would be a bright idea to kill two birds with one stone and potty train them together. Now imagine one of those 2 children having special needs. That factor creates challenges on the journey.

I remember a family member basically scolding me for not having them potty trained because she potty trained my nephew at 2 and my son was almost 3 at that time. Deep inside I felt horrible and as if she was right, but my pride wouldn’t let me say this aloud. So instead I responded simply with, “they just aren’t ready”. So of course she couldn’t leave well enough alone and said, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM READY. At that moment I had to walk away because I felt my face turning red and smoke coming out of my ears. However, the experience motivated me to try and consistently work with my kids on it, because one thing I will say is we were not as consistent as we should have been with the process. I started to give up and a year passed by and still no one is fully potty trained!

Consistency is key and patience falls right underneath it. It is easier said than done, trust me I know, when everyone around you has an opinion, (that you never asked for btw),  when other people report that their baby has been fully potty trained at birth, lol.. just kidding, but sometimes that is how I feel. Their babies slept through the night a week after birth, they barely whimpered when needed to be fed or a diaper needed to be changed, and they achieved all milestones ahead of time. That is just not my case and I have to accept THAT IT IS OKAY. And for some reason I feel like there are other Mommas out there who can relate to my experience, I AM NOT ALONE and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I am a witness that it eventually gets better. I am proud to report that today, my son, who will be 4 in March 2016, and has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder is 95% there. The only thing we have to work on is encouraging him to stand and not sit when he pees, but I don’t believe there is a penalty for a 3 year old who sits to pee,lol, so I am not going to stress out about that. He wears underwear during the day and thankfully his teachers have stayed on top of keeping our routine to have him go to the potty consistently. Also, he wears a pull up overnight, but the last 3 weeks he has been waking up dry about 75% of the time, so we will give him another week to be dry all 7 days and then I think we can safely say IT IS FINISHED, at least for him.

My daughter on the other hand (who is 2 years and 4 months old) who seemed so ready to potty train at 18 months old currently has a nonchalant attitude about the process. She laughs when she has accidents and isn’t bothered when I scold her about it😩😳😕. She is capable of doing it, but She Isn’t Ready and THAT IS OKAY!

Until then I will continue to read books with realistic tips, read children’s books to them that are all about potty training, talk about my feelings with someone who will be a sounding board and won’t judge our journey, especially the frustration of it all, I will consider what other Mommas have to say regarding their experience and pick and choose what will work best for me and my children based on their needs and I will be consistent and get creative! Eventually THEY WILL GET IT.

Their success in life to be a good citizen, kindhearted, score well on their SATs, get into a great college with a full scholarship🙌👍 and settle down with an amazing person is independent of when they were fully potty trained or how they potty trained. Focus on keeping them happy, well-nourished and grounded. Screaming, shouting, spanking (which was also suggested to me, but I refuse to do) and punishing will drive the desire away and cause them to shut down, so watch your stuff so it doesn’t become their stuff!

As far as the loads of laundry, there is no solution, it just has to be done. Although if they are at home, consider keeping them bare bottom (no pull-ups, panty or underwear). For the car seat dilemma a friend suggested to keep blankets in the car and put them on the wet seat after the child has been changed and the seat cleaned (my suggestion is to clean it with wipes and lysol). It will keep them from getting their bottoms wet after having that accident. The car seat will eventually dry.

So, DO YOUR BEST AND PRESS ON PASS THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE!

It’s A NEW DAWN, IT’S A NEW DAY, IT’S A NEW LIFE FOR ME…AND I’M FEELING GOOD😃!

I have been on a roller coaster that seemed like it would never stop, since I last blogged. So, I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I’m getting off this ride and getting back to being me!

Blogging, actually writing in general, is therapeutic for me. My whole point in blogging was to encourage other mothers, fathers, parents to be and people who are toying with thoughts of becoming a parent the real deal of the journey and to discuss womanhood, not losing yourself in the midst of life’s chaos, healthy living and embracing your natural hair, just to name a few. I’M BACK and focused! Time waits for no one, so I can’t play catch up, so instead I will turn a new page because it’s a NEW DAY😀!

Moral of the story, WE MAKE TIME FOR THE THINGS WE WANT TO, SO IF IT MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU, MAKE TIME! Even if you break it up into completing it over a period of 3 or 4 days, as long as you get it done. QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION!