Monthly Archives: April 2014

” Like Momma Not like Daughter”

As I said in a previous post, my husband and I “planned” to wait for atleast 2 years after we got married to have children. I was in no exceptional hurry to have children. I  had a desire to get married and have children one day, but it was not at the top of my priority list because I had career goals and other life goals that were important to me before I settled down. So i knew when I was ready to have children I would be all in, beyond excited, ready and waiting with great expectancy to embrace and love my children to be.

My mother always talked about not having morning sickness in any of her pregnancies. She was fortunate to not be a “victim”(lol, but seriously that’s how bad it can get for some of us) of it. She would get nauseous, but her cure was, first thing in the morning, she would take her finger, put it in the back of her throat and bring up the (yellow) bile, that most of us get with morning sickness, and once that would come up she would be fine and there would be no vomiting. Momma dearest, thankfully, did not suffer with any complications such as Preeclampsia or Gestational Diabetes. Preeclampsia is when a pregnant woman develops high blood pressure in pregnancy and it can also continue in postpartum and a pregnant woman is diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes when she has high blood sugar levels. Both of these conditions if not treated with proper medical care can be harmful to both momma and baby. Overall, my mother was a happy glowing pregnant woman. I, on the other hand was the polar opposite. I may have been glowing on the outside, which my co-workers, family and friends would say, but on the inside I was a hot mess! You can only smile but so much through the most harsh symptom I had, around the clock (morning) sickness!

I often heard that you carry/go through pregnancy the way your mom did. THAT WAS A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL! Atleast it was for me. I still consider myself blessed because I also did not have any complications such as Preeclampsia or Gestational Diabetes, but the symptoms I did have made me quite miserable.  I won’t sit here and say that is the circumstance or will be the circumstance for anyone else, but if you have yet to experience pregnancy be open to the fact that every pregnancy has its differences, so your mother, sister or cousin’s situation may not be your own. There may be similarities, but there will certainly be differences. You may even read a few books, read some articles on what the “symptoms/signs of pregnancy” are, but your pregnancy may not fit that profile either. Prime example, the cable network TLC had a show that they aired titled ” I didn’t Know I was Pregnant”. All of these women went through the whole 9-10 mths. of pregnancy thinking that their “symptoms” were attributed to everything but pregnancy. Some smoked cigarettes, drank alcoholic beverages, exercised vigorously, lost weight or barely gained weight and ended up birthing full-term healthy babies..NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACLE! The most interesting detail to their stories is that they all found out they were pregnant after intense pressure of labor and delivery and most of them were at the very final stage of labor where no medical intervention (e.g. an epidural) could be given. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT! Well don’t:), instead be open to the impossible and as I often say, “Never say never cause you never know”.

It Wasn’t Supposed to be This Way!

I am a product of a Cesarean (also spelled as Caesarean, Cesarian, Caesarian and written in a shortened version known as C-section) delivery, and my mother has the scar to prove it. Quite a scar actually, a vertical incision because during the time when I was born vertical incisions were more popular than transverse incisions ( a horizontal line right at the bikini line which is what I ended up having with my 1st labor and delivery of my son) which physically is more discreet. My mom always talked about how her 1st labor and delivery experience with my oldest brother was a long and tiresome 36 hrs. before the doctors told her she had to have a C-section because he was in respiratory distress. She was also informed that once she had a C-section, all of her future children would have to be delivered that way. She wasn’t given a thorough explanation why, she was just spoken to in a tone of “because I said so as your doctor who knows better”. I was confident that having a C-section would not be my plight.

There are two types of vertical incisions, one that is done above the belly button and the other one done from the belly button to the pubic bone, but both are a uterine incision in the upper area of the uterus. See the pics below which I copied from The Well-Rounded Mama http://wellroundedmama.blogspot.com ).

I remember being focused on exploring as many options as possible that would educate me and prepare me for vaginal delivery, a C-section was the last thing on my mind and I was determined to not even bring it up to the forefront of my mind. My husband and I took the 6 week Lamaze class, we watched the Ricki Lake documentary, “The Business of Being Born”, we read books, articles and of course spoke to our peers and loved ones who had “been there and done that” and became very encouraged to continue to focus on a vaginal delivery journey. So other than my mother’s repeated statement of 36 hrs. of labor before her first C-section, her permanent vertical scar that served as a reminder of birthing my 2 siblings and myself and a few far and in between friends who had to undergo the procedure, but did not seem traumatized by it, I did not know many details about having a C-section and I didn’t care to know because WE WERE HAVING A VAGINAL DELIVERY, NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS!

And then…

Everything did not go as planned from beginning to end. I didn’t expect it to, but I didn’t expect what was to come either. I must admit that I felt less of a woman because I didn’t have a vaginal delivery. However, now that I am wiser about my experience I am also stronger for it. It certainly was an unforgettable and unplanned experience, but out of it I was blessed with my beautiful and rambunctious son:)!

For me?

A few days ago a friend and I were leaving a rehearsal and on our way out the door I told her that I was feeling slightly light-headed. I knew that I was feeling that way because it had been quite awhile since I had a meal before our 2 hr.rehearsal. She had a snack in her purse and gave it to me and offered to follow me home in her car because I insisted that I wasn’t in such a state that I needed to be driven home by someone else….

COMMERCIAL: THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA NOW THAT I REFLECT ON IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH MY DRIVE HOME WAS BRIEF AND I WAS SO FOCUSED IN ON GETTING HOME TO TEND TO MY BABIES AND SEE MY HUBBY THAT I FAILED TO CONSIDER MY NEEDS AND TEND TO MYSELF…SOMETIMES WE FORGET AS MOMS THAT WHEN WE TEND TO OURSELVES WE ARE TENDING TO EVERYONE WE CARE ABOUT. HOW CAN I HOLD MY 7 MONTH OLD IF I’M LIGHTHEADED OR RUN AFTER MY 2YO IF I’M DIZZY, OR WORSE YET IF I’M DEAD :(…DOESN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE, HUH? BUT IT HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US AND MOST, IF NOT ALL, MOMS ARE GUILTY OF THIS CRIME ATLEAST ONCE. SO HEALTHY MOMMY RESULTS IN HEALTHY EVERYBODY AND A HAPPIER ENVIRONMENT. IT IS NOT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST,  IT IS JUST THE OPPOSITE, SELFLESS, BECAUSE YOU ARE CARING FOR YOU WITH THE INTEREST TO CARE FOR YOUR FAMILY AS WELL. SELFISH WOULD BE DELIBERATELY FOCUSING IN ON YOURSELF AND DISREGARDING THE FEELINGS AND NEEDS OF YOUR CHILDREN/YOUR FAMILY..

BUT I DIGRESS, I THINK YOU GET THE POINT–

So anywho:) I started to feel less light-headed after a few bites of the snack she gave me. While walking to our cars she said she has had something for me at her house for almost a year and kept forgetting to bring it for me. She’s always talking about the kids and loving on them so I assumed it was for them. Since she lived very close to where we were, less than 6 mins., and I started to feel better, I agreed to stop by her house and then we would head to my place after.  She brought this huge bag  to my car, I figured I’d see the gift at home so I didn’t bother to peek in it. She jumped in her car and followed me to my home. On our way to my home we were on the phone and I just kept thanking her for the gift because I feel so blessed when someone considers my children with a gift. I wasn’t sure if it was for my son or my daughter, but while we’re chatting she asked what size shoe do you wear, but for some reason I heard, what size shoe does your son wear. I responded and told her he is a 9.5/10. Funny enough that is my shoe size too. So she is like, no, NOT FOR YOUR SON, FOR YOU. I was in disbelief! It wasn’t my birthday, a special holiday, etc. I was speechless. She gave me two pairs of shoes that she bought awhile back for herself and were never worn because they were too big for her and she thought they would look great on  me.

Sexy in Red
Sexy in Red
Sparkling in Emerald
Sparkling in Emerald

I just thought it was so interesting that I automatically assumed and thought of my children being gifted and not me. But isn’t that the story of a momma’s life, kids first and ourselves second. Well maybe it’s time to be selfless and enjoy my gift that my very thoughtful friend gave me and go out on a hot date with my hubbsters in these shoes and reunite with my children in a stupendous mood because I got to take care of me and still enjoy them at the end of the day. I’M BLESSED! Embrace the little getaways that you can have and embrace your little kiddies while they are little because they grow so fast!

These shoes are drop dead gorgeous as you can see and make this MOMMA feel soooooo not a momma, but instead like a single twenty something young woman dating my husband again:)..But hey, who says a momma can’t wear some sexy heels and still rock a diaper bag and baby in tow one day:)!